With almost 15 million people last year getting some type cosmetic or plastic procedure, more and more people are asking about how to find a good plastic surgeon.

After interviewing unhappy patients about the red warning flags they missed while in the office of a truly bad plastic surgeon we have identified the top 10 signs that maybe, just maybe, you should leave and look for another plastic surgeon.

10. If you must go to a checkout lane to pay for your procedures, you may be in the office of a bad plastic surgeon. Or, if the surgeon offers facelifts on a convenient lay-a-way plan, you may want to go to another doctor.

9. The surgeon is rude or insensitive. He frequently tells older women to go braless if they really want to take all the wrinkles out of their faces. If you hear that, you may be in the office of a bad plastic surgeon. Or, instead of just telling you he can’t take your case, he says he is too busy working on an important cottage cheese sculpture.

8. If the surgeon wears a striped suit, talks to you through a megaphone while standing on a soapbox and has jillions of colored flags waving in his parking lot, you may again be in the office of a bad plastic surgeon

7. The surgeon makes excuses about letting you talk to former patients. Instead, he hands you reprints from the national enquirer about how to receive phone calls from the deceased.

6. Be on your guard if the surgeon sits behind a window with a curtain that stays open for 30 seconds for each five dollar bill you deposit.

5. When you ask about possible risks of surgery, he gives you a choice of 1-800 dial-a-psychic, a book about Nostradamus or brings in a palm reader he keeps on staff.

4. The physician does not use a board certified anesthesiologist. If he hands you a bottle of old grand dad’s two week old whiskey before the operation starts, you may again be in the office of a bad plastic surgeon. You should leave immediately if he hands you a stick to hold between your teeth before the operation begins.

3. If the surgeon wants you to distribute flyers door-to-door about his latest two-for-one special, (“fix one ear, get the other free!”) or offers you a frequent cutting plan, you may once more be in the office of yet another bad plastic surgeon.

2. The physician fails to discuss or fully explain the recovery process. Instead, he offers a recovery process from Fuji which involves a barefooted guy in a grass skirt who shakes a rattle while dancing in circles around your bed.

…And the number 1 top reason you know you’re in the office of a bad plastic surgeon:
1. He is vague about his medical background and won’t explain why his alma mater, crow’s ass national college of plastic surgery, had to move its headquarters from the kingdom of yap to the isle of dogs.

-Charlene