Australian performance artist Stelios Arcadious wanted a very unusual plastic surgery procedure. So unusual it does not even have a name. He wanted a third ear to be implanted on his forearm as a type of body art. You have to admit, it’s far more noticeable than a tattoo!

The other part of the story involves the old problem finding good help.

Arcadious (the unusual name is because he was actually born in the Talossan Kingdom) spent 10 years searching for a plastic surgeon willing to perform the operation. The implanted ear came from a university lab and was grown in Petri dish from human ear cells.

Arcadious finally convinced a plastic surgeon that he, Arcadious, was traumatized as a child because he could never learn the trick of wigging his ears like other second grade boys who used wiggling ears to attract giggling first grade girls.

And so girlishnessless lead to womannessless which all amounted to an unhappy, unfulfilled life.

But now, at age 61, Arcadious can finally wiggle at least one of his ears — while watching it! Unfortunately, women his age are no longer interested in ears that wiggle.

And here’s the kicker: According to the Australian Daily Mail, Arcadious is going to implant a tiny microphone in his forearm/ear so that others can hear what he is hearing. How’s that for a command performance in the making?

An afterthought: gals, what do you think about adding an accessory to the extra ear like a nice bold hoop earring? Nice touch or too much? Maybe a small diamond stud?