Plastic surgery togs are headed your way. Big time.

The upscale (Nordstrom) sellers of Tummy Tuck Jeans might have started a trend in clothing that claims to change, augment or slim body parts. Sure, you may have to pony up $90 a pair but, compared to the cost of becoming smaller through surgery, the price is cheap for what the jeans promise.

And those promises are?

Says the ad for Tummy Tuck jeans: “flatten the tummy, contour the hips and lift the buttocks.” (Do all that with plastic surgery and you will easily burn through five figures!)

Dr. 90210 Nighties
Enhance your body through “special” nighties?

Clothing designer Bruno Sciavi of the Jupi Corporation told Australia’s Sunday Telegraph: “Whether a woman has lost a breast to cancer, wants a butt lift, a tummy shaper…or her thighs to look more sculptured, we’ve designed appropriate shape wear.” (I am not making any of this up!)

This “Down Under” miracle for rejuvenating bodies has yet another major advantage — it takes place while you sleep. You arise the next morning refreshed, energetic and looking far better than your “before” pictures which were taken only eight hours ago. What could be better? Only a world where chocolate is a health food.

Here’s a related thought: At a time when total gullibility is often laid at the feet of a person who would buy the Brooklyn Bridge, it may not be too much longer before others point at such people, saying, “Ha! And you probably buy plastic surgery nightgowns!”

Dr. Robert Rey

The name of these miracle garments are Dr. Rey’s Instant Shaper. Yes, that Dr. Rey. Of Dr. 90210 fame.

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A special experiment on plastic surgery clothing!

Overseen by Totally Unbiased Judges and Top Plastic Surgeons!

It’s not exactly clothing, but a special face wrap. The Face Bra claims to lift a sagging jaw line with no surgery whatever. Sold by a company known as The Face Wrap in Clearwater, Florida, company president Vicki Southard says it’s not so much the cloth that lifts your sagging, care-worn face, but the chemicals impregnated in the cloth. And the chemicals are, yes, you guessed it, secret! Patent pending and all. Ms. Southard says there is now no need for Botox or other painful nip and tuck sessions.

This is a basic cover girl quality model, showing the Face Bra at work after a painstaking application process by highly trained plastic surgeons.

This is the official before shot of the brave woman who decided to wear the face bra in our exclusive, climate controlled testing facilities.

The same women in the throes of facelift while wearing the face bra.

Meticulous scientific findings and extensive observations have been entered on the white board behind her.

And Viola! Here’s how our experimenter looked after only two weeks in the Face Wrap!

Was the clock moved back or what!? Read the astute and highly scientific findings of one reviewer.

(Thanks for bearing with us, but the after picture was actually taken while the woman was a college senior, 25 years ago! Our test model is actually a good-natured reporter with the Philadelphia Gazette who tried the Face Bra to see how well it works! Unfortunately, nobody could tell the difference between her before and after facelift pictures, creating what is known in medicine, “a negative outcome randomized placebo-controlled double blind study result.”

But that’s only part of the unfolding story about plastic surgery clothing. On the medical horizon are special ski masks that provide face and eyelifts; a stylish baseball cap that will give you (even if worn backwards) a forehead lift; a muffler that will lift a sagging neck; gloves that will make 80-year-old hands look like they are 20 again, and a special belt that provides a tummy tuck while you wear it.

And if you believe any of that, you would probably buy plastic surgery jammies!